Beelzebub, Texas (GL)- The Clinton campaign, which has fallen on hard times lately, has landed an endorsement from one of the most renowned politicians in history. The coming of Lucifer (or “Lou Boy” as George W. Bush took to calling him during his work for the 2000 Bush/Cheney campaign) has proven to be a divisive issue among Democrats. While Nancy Pelosi, whose district includes the cities of both Sodom and Gomorrah, has been a longtime supporter of the Dark Prince, prominent Democratic adviser James Carville has stated that the Clinton campaign’s adoption of Satan and His Army of Darkness is “too little too late” and well short of the steps necessary to defeat Barack Obama.
A rift of an entirely different nature is appearing in the Republican Party. Presidential Hopeful Mike Huckabee had been desperate in pursuing an endorsement from the Dark Prince. Huckabee, a former minister (already endorsed by G-d), was seeking this endorsement to underscore the breadth of his campaign's coalition. McCain's aides had put a full-court press to land El Diablo to prove to conservatives he lacked compassion for people.
However, Associated Press reports the devil was off shooting a movie with Meryl Streep during the bulk of the last few years. Meryl, a staunch Hillary supporter, was able to convince Lucifer to throw his support for Hilldog.
Republican Party officials released a statement this morning reading, "We're hurt that Satan, after a half century of loyal service to Republican Party, seems to finally be crossing the aisle." Perhaps Karl Rove, who interned with His Darkness during his college years, deserves the final word on the matter: "Who better to stop the second coming of Christ...errr...I mean JFK...than His Wickedness?"
